Everyone should be included in counseling! Yes, even the family member who thinks their life is flawless. We understand that they may have better things to do with their time than listen to their brother or sister’s madness. But there is something very powerful about family therapy that cannot be captured in an individual capacity. Afterall, we live in a context. And when all family members come together it simulates the real energy that can only be imagined when expressed through one person’s experience.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, Bryon Remo recognizes the importance of making sure that any one family member does not feel like a “patient.” When kids are sent to counseling individually they often wonder why their brother or sister doesn’t have to attend. They often feel stigmatized and angry that their sibling’s behavior will go unaccounted for.

A family therapist is trained to identify family strengths and patterns that are both productive and unproductive in families. These patterns can be observed in a family session through dialogue, play or both. When tracking patterns, a marriage and family therapist will help families identify toxic patterns and get  “unstuck” in specific areas of communication. This may be regarding their listening, body language, willingness to change, receptiveness to each other’s influence, etc. Many times family members are surprised to discover that a therapist does not always see the “root of the problem” in the same light as family members. This gives families a different perspective from an unbiased source.

Family counseling is a process that allows families to take a closer look at each other’s concerns and allows for a space that becomes safer by virtue of a therapist’s presence and ability to manage chaos. When engaging in family therapy it is important that each family member truly take a look at how they each respond to conflict. Although some family members choose to disengage, they may not recognize their value which may be wasted because of their unwillingness to become involved. Furthermore, their support may be the X factor that could help break an unhealthy pattern.

Family therapy may not always be possible given the scheduling conflicts with parents' work and kids school and activities. However, it is often widely recognized that one family therapy session can often have far more benefit that five individual sessions. If nothing else, it models how an effective home meeting might look when all family members are open to new possibilities.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT practices in West Hartford and Southbury, CT. He specializes in working with teenagers, couples, families and divorced fathers. He is married and has 3 children, ages 15, 12 and 10.